Monday, August 26, 2013

Geek Parenting, I'm Doing It Right!

So just this past week we have finally started watching the Doctor Who series around here. I loved the show as a kid in the 80s but for some reason I put off watching the show starting in 2005. Now I wish I had been watching it all along because we're really enjoying it right now.

I have to admit though, everytime I see David Tennant all I can think of is this...

and it's just not attractive! Haha.

Anyway- so I just wanted to share a conversation I had a little while ago with my 10 year old geek boy...

Me- "What do you think of Chris Eccleston as Doctor 9?"

Hyper Heathen- "FANTASTIC!"

(sound of me snorting)

Me- "What do you think of David Tennant as Doctor 10?"


(short laugh)

Me- "Do you think Matt Smith will be a good Doctor 11 when we get that far?"
HH- "WHO?"

(Laughs and shows him a picture)

HH- "We kill the ones who sparkle for free! Gank him Sammy!"

(laughing until I cry)

When fandoms cross over then Geek Parenting, you're doing it right.

Monday, July 22, 2013

I'm A Neuropathic Nightmare!

I saw the Neurologist and found out after many tests, scans, and pokey needle things that I definitely have Peripheral Neuropathy which we already knew but now I have an updated diagnosis of it for my records. What I wasn't expecting was that when I brought the papers home and looked at them I saw that the doctor had written down, "Small Fiber Neuropathy", "Idiopathic Neuropathy" (which just means no clue what caused it), and "Autonomic Neuropathy".

The thing that bothers me is the Autonomic Neuropathy because it's one that affects your organs and explains why I've been getting dizzy a lot. It seems it is affecting my heart although only very mildly at this point. We aren't sure yet what other organs are being compromised yet and I can't say I'm in a hurry to find out.

I also found out that I have to have an MRI and I'm being referred to a pain clinic because she honestly thinks that at this point I'm going to need pain meds. Not what I wanted to hear but also what I already knew too. I've tried all the medications to try to help with this neuropathy and I've either had bad reactions or there is my Gabapentin which keeps me sane and not wanting to gnaw my limbs off but doesn't actually help pain. I absolutely hate pain medications and will have to mentally become okay with taking them so we will see.

In good news, Hyper Heathen is almost finished with swim lessons for the summer and he has done really well. He has gone off the diving board a few times and swims awesome now. I'm so very proud of him and his progress! I was able to sign him up for all of the sessions so he has spent the entire summer swimming and I think that has helped out a lot.

Big B and Sis are doing alright and plugging along in this shithole we call life. All I can hope is that they are smarter than I was at that age and make the most of their lives. I want the best of everything for them and it's hard once your children become adults because you can't give them that or do it for them. As adults they have to go get it for themselves. Can't help wanting to care for my "babies" no matter how big they get though. Lol.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Color Me AWESOME! I Mean...RAD.

So I got to do the Color Me Rad 5k with Hyper Heathen, Big B, Goth Girl (Big B's fiancé), and my friend, Linda. It was awesome! We had so much fun and everyone made it to the finish line like a champ! I know the only reason I made it was because it wasn't timed and I had people to lean on but still, it was pretty great. Everything about CMR was fun and by the end we were all covered head to toe in colored powder. I think the funniest one was Big B because the powder got all in his beard and he looked like a rainbow hobo! haha

Downside of course was that I spent the next four days wanting to DIE from the pain. On one hand I feel stupid because this is hell on my body and makes me immensely ill but on the other hand, mentally this is so good for me. Its funny to be crying from the pain I'm in yet smiling because of the pride I feel. LMAO.

I've also done the Wounded Warrior Run/Walk this year as well. Same thing, very proud but put me out of commission for days. I feel bad because I'm useless to Hubby Guy and Hyper Heathen after I do these things. I also know it's hard on them to see me hurting so badly. Having my kids post on Facebook that they are proud of me though is pretty fucking awesome!

The main reason I'm doing this to myself is because I don't want my children's memories of me to be their mom laying on the couch all the time in pain never getting to do anything. I feel like that's all I've given them the last few years and that more than any pain has depressed and deflated me. Now they will look back and say, "Remember that one time mom walked that race and finished? Haha remember how her leg had gone totally numb so she was raising her leg really high?". Worth more than any medal ever!

Hyper Heathen started swim lessons for the summer today. He spent most of the time saying, "I can't"  and if frustrates me because he says it before he even tries. I'm going to try to sign him up for all of the sessions this summer so he can be confident by the end of lessons in August. I think the more he learns the better he will do and I want him to be able to swim so he's not an adult who is afraid of deep water like his Amazon mother.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sometimes It Only Takes A Wave And A Smile

I try to smile at everyone each day because I think maybe that is the only nice thing that might have happened to them that day. After reading this I hope maybe it has at some point saved a life or will in the future. I plan on starting to wave now too. ♥

Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

Monday, April 08, 2013

License Lies, Black Mold, and Growing Up

I got my license renewed today and needless to say, I hate the picture. I tried so hard to have a nice picture but just meh. I look fat and tired which is depressing when I am losing weight. I'm cool with looking tired though cuz I am ALWAYS tired! Lol

We've had a lot of contractors here lately because we found black mold in the wall of our bathroom and had to have it all ripped out. All meaning two entire walls inside and out, the shower, and the tub. Talk about a disaster! To make matters worse, I don't think the contractor is doing the job right so I have a feeling this is going to go south real quick. *sigh*

Big B came over and spent the day today with Hyper Heathen today which was nice because HH misses his brother and sister when they're not here often (both have moved out to their own places). I feel bad for him and know its hard having them grow up without him. Today though Big B played video games with HH and they had fun hanging out.

Speaking of growing up, Hyper Heathen is in pre-puberty! My last baby is growing up and that is unfair as hell. Why do they do this to me? WHY do they torture me so? haha. Seriously though, if I could go back I would treasure their childhoods more and enjoy each day. With the oldest two especially I was so worried about "milestones" and stupid selfish crap that I didn't appreciate the gift I was given at the time. That's the problem though, we can't go back and we don't get a second chance. SUCKS! To make it even worse, Big B turns 20FREAKING2 later this month!

Oh and for the record, I cheated on my eye exam for my license. Lol. I get fitted for glasses tomorrow so I will have them but for today my vision stinks so I would close one eye, read some, then switch eyes. haha. I just didn't want to lose my license right before I get the glasses that correct my vision.

So there is my dirty little secret!

Friday, March 29, 2013


Well I'm still not great at writing steadily. LOL.

I've made several good changes since last year though that I'm proud of and thought I should brag a little about. I'm actually fairly content with my life right now.

So for starters I've kicked the drinking a 2 liter of soda a day habit since October. I'm so very proud of myself for that! I have been addicted to soda since I was a small child and never thought it was something I could ever cut down on or quit altogether. It started when I had an appointment with Dr. T (my endo) and she told me once again that I need to give up the soda and even ALL sugar to see if maybe it would help my neuropathy pain. That plus I have been bordering on pre-diabetic for a few years now. Anyway- so this time I actually listened and went without any soda for an entire MONTH! What's even better is that for five months now I've had AT MOST a 12oz can every other day and sometimes not even that. I never thought I could get away from drinking so much so this is such a feeling of accomplishment for me.

Sadly, it hasn't helped my neuropathy pain but I do feel better physically, I've lost 17lbs, and I drink mostly water these days. Before I quit the soda I always felt like I had syrup in my veins but now I feel lighter in a way I can't describe. Even though all my pain is worse something is different and I feel healthier than I've felt in so very long. I don't know how to explain it to be honest.

Another thing I'm proud of is that I did my first Run/Walk in February. It was called the Super Hero 2 Mile Run/Walk and I did it without stopping! I was told to try to exercise when I can so I figured this was something to try for even if I ended up out of commission for a week after. Lol. My goals were to show up (I have anxiety issues when it comes to being with groups of people), not stop walking at all, and finishing. I did all three and have never been more proud of myself! Words can not explain how amazing it is to say I did it.

I now have my first "race" shirt, a bib number to frame, and the joy of knowing my kids can say, "My mom did it!" That to me is the real reward. I want them to be proud of me and have memories of me that they can look back on and smile with pride on.

Downside, today I'm bedridden and don't see that changing anytime within the next few days. LMAO. But for one day I was a motherfucking rockstar!!!

Saturday, February 02, 2013

A Whole New View On Things

When Hubby Guy and I first got together (sometime in the first year) we watched the movie Stepmom starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris. It's a sweet movie about the dynamics between the Ex-Wife and the new fiancé of Ed Harris' character. The ex ends up with terminal cancer and realizes that this is the woman who will raise her kids and they become friends. It's more interesting than my description I promise!

Anyway, I remember that the first time we watched it I teared up a little but no real waterworks. It was sad and sweet but at the time cancer was something other people got. This was before I knew my father or about the genetic disorder we have so I figured the worst thing that would happen would be getting diabetes.

Fast forward thirteen years to today when we watched Stepmom again and you would have seen me bawling like a frakkin baby! You see, I realized today that HAVING cancer can even affect how you process and feel about movies you watch. This time I was watching it as a mother who has cancer who has had to face the very real idea of saying goodbye to her kids just like Susan Sarandon's character in the movie.

This time I was asking myself if I have taken enough pictures with my kids. Have I created enough good memories? Have I given them traditions they can pass on? Have I brought them more happiness than sadness during their lives? Was I there for them like they needed?

Maybe it hit me more this time also because I decided on New Year's that I was going to make sure I could answer "yes" to several of those questions plus I want to make sure they don't remember me as their mom who was always sick and had to lay on the couch a lot. I'm actually DOING something about what I leave behind and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good!

No matter what I'm going to be sick. No matter what I'm going to be in pain. No matter what I'm going to have cancer but that doesn't mean I have to give up showing my heathens how to LIVE or how to stay hopeful.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Even Heathens Grow Up

Around the Life With Heathens house things feel "odd" these days. When I started this blog my oldest was 14 years old and all my heathens lived here at home. Fast forward seven years and my oldest, Big B, is now 21 and living with his girlfriend. The sweet teenager is now a man with a job, a life, and a beard I can't fucking stand!

Sis was 11 years old when this blog started and now she's 18 and living on her own with "her gay boyfriend" aka her roommate. Sis is now an amazingly beautiful, sweet, headstrong young woman who has her mother's stubbornness. So much so that sometimes I want to knock some sense into her!

MonkeyBoy is now "Hyper Heathen" and just turned 10 years old the other day. He was a cute little 3 year old when this all started and now he's a tall, extraordinarily intelligent, funny, sarcastic mini version of us all. He's also my last one still being homeschooled which is bittersweet as well. They grow so fast!

It feels wrong in a lot of ways having only one child in this house. I miss the noise of having two teenagers arguing and slamming doors. I miss knowing that all the kids have no choice but to be here on holidays. I miss checking three rooms each night to make sure everyone is tucked in and sleeping soundly. I just miss having all three of my lil heathens around me. Having your kids grow up sucks ass!

But I am proud of who they are becoming. I am proud of the people they are in their hearts because they are all good people. I am proud to be their mother every minute of every day. They will always be my heathens and I will always feel blessed that I got to have a Life With Heathens. ❤